Fear

i stare at the mirror, not so much at my reflection, but at the white stuff, as if i were trying to seek the future. my friend has invited me to go clubbing, which is something i've never done before. i'm no social butterfly, i'm too used to staying at home. i don't want to know anyone else's opinion because i don't care. but not caring just a little about what anyone thinks about things doesn't make conversation very exciting, now does it? people must think i'm a snob or something because i don't say anything, i don't talk to anyone, i keep to myself. this has kept me happy for a while because some people are just idiots: i really don't need to test my patience that way. but it's lonely. i've never had a fuck. i'm ready to surrender myself to somebody, anybody! but i fear i have nothing to give. what if i'm boring? what if they don't like me for who i really am? my friends offered me a makeover because i'm too grungy for a gay guy. oh sure, i'm funny, but i'm not a looker. i don't know how to conduct myself in a club. i don't know how to dance. i'm afraid i'll cling to my friends without the courage to ask somebody to come with me to the men's room for a fuck. how do you ask a guy for that? i don't know how. in five minutes, my friends will be here and i will take the first plunge into, into what? joy, stupidity? i bring my fingers to another shiner on my forehead, and give it a slight squeeze.

no one is inside...it feels like a peaceful but senseless nothing....a hole inside outside of home...
rightless i'm standing in the middle of life, hearing people living their life...
waiting for the moment which change the uselessness into truth
nothing can be better than waiting for the real except to get some...
it must be like heaven to know how life goes on...but it would be the most horrible thing i`ve ever learned...
i`m afraid, afraid not to know, what he`s thinking of .....
afraid , not to be in his mind...
I`ll scream, but without a noise cause he could hear the pain i have because of him...never want to open my mind
the moment in this time is like hell...burning the real life down....but ash is the basic for new life...

A fear can at times be a healthy thing.

Men should not fear the empowerment of women, they should embrace it as progress.

Fear is the worst enemy. If you know your fear, you can beat it.

on Mar 19th 2001, 21:17:56, jessy wrote the following about

fear

causes pain [[all over]] the world, destoys love, make peaple slaves

[escape links: Sesamestreet | Cobblestone | Car | Abesha | So]

fear is the ugliness of life. We fear change , we fear difference, we fear letting go of ourselves. Fear is what keeps us separate and alone, which ironically is what we fear the most

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, he said, smugly. Do they really mean fear, as in scared, afraid, trembling in the dark? I asked. Of course that's what they mean, he snapped, adding more quietly, you'll regret your useless questions when you're spending eternity in Hell.